At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
