if you like me you must not know who I am
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
