her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
