i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
