Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
