Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
vagina is talking i cant
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
