Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
