This is not my ceiling
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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