who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
