oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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