My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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