I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize