That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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