Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
