I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
