you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
