Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize