ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
