Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
