When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
