She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
