Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she looked like the before picture.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize