he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
zippers are such a cool invention
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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