I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You know, be my cock's hype man.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
