wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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