This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
