Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
