Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
