Need sex. Gaining weight.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
