you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize