I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
