ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The best revenge is premature balding
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
