I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
