i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
