i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
