i think i have herpe
just one?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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