She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
