somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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