Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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