I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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