I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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