i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
