We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize