can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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