the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
