I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
