I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
