so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
