You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
