There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she woke up with a sticky ear
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
