So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
