Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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