So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
