Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Randomize
