Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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