I just made out with a guy for $7.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize