My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
