I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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