i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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