the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
